Talked to Theseus for awhile today (30 whole minutes!) and got off the phone feeling really sad. I miss our little life together, with our tofu and tomato plants and bold paint colors and compost bin. We've put together such a wonderful string of love and light... it's hard to be here in the cold silence, in this empty space without him.

He is here in every room of this house, I can smell him in every piece of fabric. I left his blue towel hanging right where he left it, and until he gets home, there will be a bottle of water on his bedside table, waiting for him. These are things that make me feel a little better - sometimes, for a second, I can pretend I'm waiting for him to get home from work. But mostly, looking at his towel every morning when I get ready for work makes me intensely sad. I don't know what is harder - to leave the towel or to put it away.

It's not the towel, really. It's being in our home without my husband.

I can't wait until he gets home. :(

After work I finally took the bag of soggy kitchen scraps outside to the compost bin, but not before digging through the fridge for more old produce. Into the compost went an entire, unopened bag of turnips, one of lettuce, and one of baby carrots. I also threw in a mostly full bag of green grapes, a cucumber, a lemon and half an onion.
    

I'd planned on beginning a long-term project today, of which I have a number to choose from:

- sand and repaint end table
- sand and repaint Theseus's nightstand
- smooth and repaint walls in guest bathroom
- yard work
- yard work
- yard work

I decided instead to give myself a day to adjust to the persistent silence in the house, rather than rush to mask it. So far I've managed only to take a shower and heat up a frozen Healthy Choice. The rest of the day I've spent on the couch, watching Season 5 of The Office on my laptop and sulking.