But at least today is OVER.

Tomorrow should be less frustrating (I hope!) and should involve less walking in the 95 degree sunshine. Despite the (insane) hoops I had to jump through today, I managed to clear the medical section in the morning (this included convincing a major and a colonel to let me have my life back, thankyouverymuch) and sat through 4 hours of briefings in the afternoon.

Tomorrow they will teach us how to be people again. "Don't drink too much. Don't beat your kids. Don't kill your spouse." and so on. Yeah, yeah, I get it. These things happen. I just don't think any amount of briefings will stop someone from doing something they've set their mind on.

On a happier note, I'll be traveling back to MA for the weekend - my mom gathered a ton of crap for a yardsale and my sister and I agreed to sit behind the tables and wait for people to buy it. Should be a good weekend! And I'll get to spend some time with my little niece. :)

Suddenly overwhelmed by sleep (this never happens) - good night.

Because tomorrow I start demobilizing.

I won't lie, I've learned a lot in my two years with this unit, but I have to wonder if it's been at the sake of my happiness and, honestly, my health. I wasn't exaggerating when I said that place is (those people are) toxic. Hopefully in a couple weeks I'll feel better. I know I need to spend some time meditating and trying to release all the stress and frustration that has built up in my neck, back and shoulders. I've found a yoga studio not far from my house, maybe that will help, too.
    

This is not an interesting post, either. But I made a promise that I'd try to post something every day for the rest of July, so although it is nearly 11 pm and my hands smell like salad dressing and my eyes are burning, here I am with you fine people.

I hope you are happy.
    

Don't worry, faithful readers, I have not abandoned this blog. It's the same old excuses we all use, but I've been very busy, and very tired. I never sleep anymore (but that's a whole 'nother post).

So let's get to it.
    

I thought I'd feel a little better today but I don't. Everything is colorless.

How can I express how heartbreaking it is to lose a friend who was only doing his job? He was doing what we have all been asked to do when we put on the uniform.

We assume the risk that is inherent to our lifestyle, but we rarely talk about it. Myself, I prefer not to think how my choice sometimes puts my life in danger. And now, with Theseus about to leave for a year in the sand, it's even more tempting to push this reality to the back of my mind.

I feel incredibly selfish for feeling this way, but Hunter's death is more than simply the loss of a friend - it's a reminder that it can happen happen to any of us, at any time, regardless of how safe our Army job may seem. I can't help but reevaluate the decisions that have brought me to today, nearly in my 8th year of service to the Army. What am I even doing here anymore?

I thought about him all day and now here I am, wordless.

He died Friday, in Afghanistan. He died.

It's difficult to hear of a Soldier's death, particularly if that Soldier is in the same career field as you (hits a little closer to home), but Hunter - I knew him, he was my friend. He is the second friend I have lost; Frost was killed in Iraq in 2008 while I was there, too. 

Why?? Why did this happen??

I reached out to some others from our circle of Army friends last night on my drive back to NJ. Everyone is in shock. How could this happen? We are all clutching each other now, apologizing for allowing time and distance to get between us as much as it has. I didn't realize how much I need them.

I don't know what else to say.

I spent today with two people so filled with racism, ignorance, hate and misogyny (and one of them is a woman!), it drained all of my energy. (Vampires?) I could barely keep my head up on my drive home from work.

Maybe it's this part of the country, maybe it's who the military attracts, maybe I'm just unlucky enough to keep meeting horrible people - I don't know, but you wouldn't believe the vile things I've had people tell me since we moved here. Today I was told all the reasons black people shouldn't be in Broadway musicals, ending with the conclusion that they should just accept they will always be second class citizens. People still think like this?!

Most unfortunately, I have to continue to work with these two people until my orders are up next month. Everyone keeps asking me why I don't want to stay on for another year. I never know whether to laugh or punch them in the face. That place is toxic; I feel so unhealthy when I'm there. July 31 can't come soon enough.