Yesterday, my friend M lost her baby. She was due July 25.

I don't even really know what to say about it. There are no words that will offer her comfort, I know, so I just apologize and apologize and cry to myself. This is her loss, not mine, but I know what it is like to carry a 39-week baby - how do you recover from the loss? I can't stop turning it over in my mind, how it must have felt to hear that there was no heartbeat. To be so far, to have a name picked out and a house full of baby gear, to have everyone asking when you were going to deliver, to have the nursery ready and the hospital bag packed and be right there in the home-stretch, to be just days from delivery, and then --

I look at Austin and alternate between wanting to squeeze him for eternity and feeling deep guilt in the pit of my stomach. What would my life be like without this little guy? M is still in the hospital recuperating, while N and I both have heathy babies. The three of us were all pregnant together - first me, then N, then M. Our three little ones were supposed to play together. What do I even say to M? The baby was full term. M was supposed to have a baby. 

I am absolutely crushed. It is nothing compared to how M feels.

- Antiope

 


Comments

Meg
07/20/2011 8:23pm

I don't have the words. I cannot understand the pain of what she is going through and won't even try in fear of belittling her pain but I do feel overwhelming sorrow at the thought. I hope that given time she is able to recover from her loss.

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07/24/2011 8:17pm

I dont know what we would have done if that happened to us and our child. A good friend of mine went through this. They had a funeral for him and he still visits him as much as he can.

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