So: I am choosing to breastfeed. I was breastfed exclusively for the first few months of my life, then supplemented with formula. My mother always talks about breastfeeding as if it were the obvious choice for her, and for me, it was. Of all the considerations and decisions I've made regarding pregnancy and now mommy-hood, whether or not to breastfeed was on the extreme-easy end of the spectrum.
I also appreciate the closeness with Theseus. I really could not ask for a better husband and father to our son - he was remarkably (at times impossibly) patient both with me and the baby, no matter how much spit up was on his shoulder, what time it was, how needy I was being, or how recently he'd changed a diaper. In the first few blurry, raggedy days after the c-section, he did all the changing, clothing, burping - he carried the baby to me when it was time to feed him, helped me into and out of the bathroom, logged the breastfeeding/diapering times on the sheet the nurses gave us, fetched me endless pitchers of ice water, called in our meal orders to the kitchen, sat up with me at all hours of the night while I fed the baby. He put socks on my feet, propped me up with pillows, helped me sit up, let me have my way about absolutely everything.
The night (early morning?) before Austin was born, Theseus slept in the crappy chair he was given at the hospital (without a pillow!), holding my hand. And despite how exhausted I how he's been and how tiring it is caring entirely for two people, he's done all of this without a complaint. I can't even express how lucky I am to have him.
Breastfeeding has made the three of us closer as a family, even in the short time we've all been together. Yes, sometimes I'm tired and irritable, sometimes I'm sore all over and just want to sleep a little longer, but being so close to the two men in my life leaves me awash with love.
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Ok, so can I complain for a few minutes? The severe downside to breastfeeding is the social acceptableness of it (lack of?), particularly in public/semi-public. Specifically upsetting me: I will be probably be traveling back home for Easter, 4 hours by car. I can't leave Austin in his car seat the whole time - he'll need to be changed, but there are changing stations along the way (not ideal but better than nothing; I can also try to change him in the car). But what am I supposed to do about feeding him? Sit in the disgusting rest stop bathroom for 25 minutes while he eats? Hide under a blanket in the back seat of my car and hope no one sees us?
I know I can pump ahead of time and give him bottles in the car, but why should I have to? I don't mean ripping my whole shirt off and sitting on a park bench, but there's no reason women shouldn't be allowed to feed their babies discreetly. Breastfeeding is natural - why do people get so grossed out/offended by it? "Oh my God, a nipple!" Who cares??