Oh Saturday, I had such plans for you! There was laundry to be done, an end table to continue sanding, a lawn that desperately needed mowing, dishes to be put away, a shower to be cleaned, the list goes on.

Instead I played on Facebook and read some blogs until after 1:00. By that time the ambitious sound of my neighbors (on all sides and across the lake) mowing their lawns had begun to annoy me. Why are you still inside? my lawn complained to me through the open window. It's going to rain tomorrow, you have to mow me today!
    
Shut up, you I responded and got into the shower. I needed to get out of here. 45 minutes later I was out the door, wearing one of the pairs of shoes Meridith gave me (I know I said I was going to try to wear all 9 pairs this weekend, but let's be honest, that's probably not going to happen). Rather than tend to any of the things shouting to be tended to, I decided to go grocery shopping at the most amazing place (for vegetarians living in this particular part of NJ who do not know how to cook anything): Whole Foods.

During the hour long car ride to Whole Foods (yes, but so worth the trip), I listened to disc 4 of David Sedaris's When You Are Engulfed In Flames. I love that man so much, I only winced a little at the $45 price tag for the audiobook (for which I clearly overpaid, looking now at the price on Amazon. Seriously, Borders?). I also bought Holidays on Ice. They make my frequent 5 hour trip to Massachusetts more tolerable.

But anyway. Whole Foods. It was mobbed, of course, it being a Saturday. I felt cool and hip in Meridith's heels - until I noticed all the shoppers who had cloth grocery bags. I didn't have cloth grocery bags. I started looking at everyone's carriages and noticed most of them had mostly fresh produce. I looked into my own carriage at the frozen vegetarian dinners, tofu hotdogs, prepackaged "meat"balls, premade ravioli, and soup from the deli. But that's because I can't cook anything! I yelled at them in my brain. I usually don't eat like this! They either couldn't hear me or didn't care.

I got to the checkout, by now sweaty and redfaced with embarrassment, certain the cashier was judging me by my purchases (I used to work at a grocery store, and I used to judge people by their purchases). The bagger glanced at my carriage, checking for cloth grocery bags, and seeing none, began placing my items in paper bags with scorn (admittedly perhaps imagined, but probably not). I'm responsible I snapped, in my brain. I recycle. I have a compost bin. And I drive a Prius.

I was happy to get out of there.

I did manage to get some tasty things, prepackaging aside. The ravioli (black bean and goat cheese) and soup (three squash bisque and a southwest corn chowder) were made in the store, so they are fresh-ish. And where else am I going to get frozen vegetarian dinners (sweet potato gnocchi, java BBQ tempeh, and pesto something)? I also bought blood orange sorbet, peach rice yogurt, apricot and ginger cream cheese (tasted it in the store and it was orgasmic), feta crumbles, mango/peach salsa, and yeah, tofu hotdogs. And I got a few fresh things: bananas, cherries, 5 lbs of strawberries (I'm going to turn them into fruit leather).

Ok so, note to self: cloth bags next time so you don't look like an asshole.

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Something unrelated but completely awesome so I have to share it: watching the Red Sox on tv right now (we're playing the Phillies so they are broadcasting the game). I hate being out of New England so much! Another reason to count down the days until Theseus gets back - moving home to Massachusetts.

- Antiope

 


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