OB

12/17/2010

1 Comment

 
My OB's office called me yesterday.
    
Phone: ring, ring

Me: Hello?

OB's office: Hello, my name is [something], I'm calling from [your OB's office]. Do you have a couple minutes?

Me: Sure.

OB's office: So I have here that [your OB] has you scheduled for a c-section March 16?

(long pause)

Me: Yes?

Let me interrupt here to explain the long pause/my confusion. At my last appointment, when I brought up the subject of preferring a c-section to traditional birth, my OB said ok and that they usually schedule the c-sections about a week before the due date. And then she changed the subject to something else, leaving me with the impression that this was, if not a sniper target, at least a 300 meter target. Ok, cool, so we'll talk about it some other time. And then apparently she wrote it on the calendar or whatever.

(longer pause)

OB's office: This is [Antiope], right?

Me: (nervouse laughter) Haha yes, sorry.

Oh my God, she thinks I'm an idiot. I must recover somehow to assure her I am not, in fact, an idiot.

OB's office: Ok... well, I just wanted to remind you that you can't have any food the night before. That means nothing after midnight: no juice, no mints, no gum.

Me: (startled by these instructions for something that is going to happen in NINETY DAYS, not like next week): Um... ok, no food after midnight, like gremlins. Got it. (more nervous laughter)

OB's office: I'm sorry?

Me: No, nothing, never mind. You just caught me off guard. I'm sorry. (mechanical laughter)

I'm an idiot I'm an idiot I'm an idiot I'm an idiot

(medium-sized pause)

OB's office: Ok, well. Ok. You will need to get to the surgery floor at 7 a.m., and make sure you give yourself enough time to park your car so you get inside right at 7 a.m.

Me: Ok.

I would literally agree to anything right now if it makes this conversation end faster. I need to bring an umbrella and two Cornish hens? Fine. Good bye.

OB's office: Please make sure you remember these things, they're very important.

So important that you are calling me 3 months ahead of time to tell me not to eat the night before?

Me: Ok.

OB's office: If you have any questions in the meantime, give us a call.

...but won't I see someone in person at my next appointment??

- Antiope

 


Comments

tree.... again
12/19/2010 9:23am

ummmmmmm ya
still gets funnier even to read it
sorry buuuut ya you have to admit that the whole gremlin thing wassss strangggeeeeee
nice one
lol
love you

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