No words

06/02/2010

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Sorry - I was MIA there for awhile. Part of it was being really busy (I finished the lawn finally, two days and three hours later), some of it was being up in Massachusetts (attended my 3rd Red Sox game of the season), and then a little bit of it was a malfunction with my blog (mysteriously resolved tonight).

And then - a significant part? I've been feeling very, very unhappy... lonely... overwhelmed... powerless... exhausted... alone. Everything is falling apart around me.

And even more frustrating (frightening?) is the realization that my insomnia is coming back. I can't even escape into sleep. I don't understand it (I kind of understand it). I'm so tired of laying in bed, exhausted and staring at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep.

If I cry any more my lungs might explode, or my head. Maybe my heart. I just don't know what else to do or say.

- Antiope

 
 
It's nearly 9:00 pm and I'm happy to report, I'm feeling much, much better than I'd expected: I'm sitting in the tv room, watching the game and thinking about dinner. What a difference from the last time!

The dentist (oral surgeon, technically) I had this morning was by. far. the best I've had. Before the surgery, he sat with me in the waiting room and described the entire procedure, down to "and then I'm going to recline your chair and we'll put a blood pressure indicator on you, then we'll place a pulse monitor on your finger tip..." He was the nicest, most understanding dentist. He even called me from his cell later in the afternoon to see how I was doing. "You don't have to wait until your post-op appointment Thursday if you have any questions; just call me, any time up until about 10:00 pm. And don't forget - a towel on your pillow tonight."
    
 
 
Oh Saturday, I had such plans for you! There was laundry to be done, an end table to continue sanding, a lawn that desperately needed mowing, dishes to be put away, a shower to be cleaned, the list goes on.

Instead I played on Facebook and read some blogs until after 1:00. By that time the ambitious sound of my neighbors (on all sides and across the lake) mowing their lawns had begun to annoy me. Why are you still inside? my lawn complained to me through the open window. It's going to rain tomorrow, you have to mow me today!