I've been going to school almost solidly since last September.

Fall: Sept. 1 - Dec 21
Spring: Jan 4 - May 17
Summer: May 23 - Aug 9

I've just been running and running and running myself ragged. I can see the finish-line for this semester, but I'm limping toward it. One class I will finish up today (History), one tomorrow (Bio Lab), one Tuesday (Bio), and the final class will be over next Sunday (English 2).

14 classes since September, and now a little break until Aug 31, when the Fall semester begins. I will be taking 3 classes and 2 labs: Bio 2 and Bio 2 Lab, Chem 1 and Chem 1 Lab, and Precalculus.

I'm looking forward to the fall (it's my favorite season!) and am really looking forward to spring registration, which should start sometime in late October. I have a list on my computer with all the classes required for my Associate's degree, and it makes me so happy to cross off classes as I register for them. I'm pretty sure I'll have to take at least 2 classes next summer in order to complete the Associate of Science - Biology program, but I will still be able to participate in the graduation ceremony next spring.

Can you imagine it? Me, a two-time college drop-out, finally finishing something I started, and with honor society regalia. I'm going to be crying so hard (out of happiness!), I won't be able to make it on to the stage. And that's great. :)

- Antiope

 
 
School is killllllllllllllling me. It's 8 p.m. and I have a four-page paper to turn in by midnight. Haven't even started it. I can think of a billion things I'd rather do than work on the paper, but off I will go and write it. I hope all this is worth something, someday. :/

- Antiope

 
 
An infant coffin is just about the saddest thing in the universe.

The obituary is here.

---

I've never been a religious person; I'm not sure any organized religion gets it exactly right. It's especially hard for me to believe there is a higher power in times like these - who would ever take a child so soon?

I don't know. The world is a cruel place. I hope M and D and their families find some peace.

- Antiope

 
 
I bought a dress today for the funeral; I'm flying to MA early Tuesday to be there. Theseus has the physical portion of the firefighter test Tuesday, so I have to fly with Austin, alone. It's going to be a horrible trip. I'm still crying for M. I can't imagine what I'll say when I see her.

- Antiope

 
 
Yesterday, my friend M lost her baby. She was due July 25.

I don't even really know what to say about it. There are no words that will offer her comfort, I know, so I just apologize and apologize and cry to myself. This is her loss, not mine, but I know what it is like to carry a 39-week baby - how do you recover from the loss? I can't stop turning it over in my mind, how it must have felt to hear that there was no heartbeat. To be so far, to have a name picked out and a house full of baby gear, to have everyone asking when you were going to deliver, to have the nursery ready and the hospital bag packed and be right there in the home-stretch, to be just days from delivery, and then --

I look at Austin and alternate between wanting to squeeze him for eternity and feeling deep guilt in the pit of my stomach. What would my life be like without this little guy? M is still in the hospital recuperating, while N and I both have heathy babies. The three of us were all pregnant together - first me, then N, then M. Our three little ones were supposed to play together. What do I even say to M? The baby was full term. M was supposed to have a baby. 

I am absolutely crushed. It is nothing compared to how M feels.

- Antiope

 
 
Picture

- Antiope

 
 
Theseus: "Imagine how much more interesting this English paper would be if I were drinking!"

- Antiope

 
 
I am writing this from the lovely state of Massachusetts - how I have missed it! This morning I woke up to a cool, breezy house - a nice change from the humid drippiness of New Jersey mornings.

It's not just the weather that's nicer up here. Everything is better in New England. I'd move back home in a heartbeat. :/

Soon?

- Antiope

 
 
For dinner tonight, Theseus made us a big salad from the lettuce in the garden. He cut up some of our cucumbers, added some cherry tomatos (only on my plate, though; he doesn't like tomatoes), grilled zucchini, and corn. The corn was the only thing in the salad not from our garden. Pretty cool, eh?

Speaking of corn, a sad story: we had some impressive storms last week, and in the wind, most of our corn was knocked down. Theseus hilled it back up and tied it to some poles so they won't get blown over again, but I hope they even make it. The damage was pretty significant. So far our corn has survived two attacks from hungry geese and now hurricane-force winds. If they ever produce any ears, I'll be very impressed! The stalks are about 6 1/2 feet now and I'm getting impatient for corn.
    
 
 
Yes.

- Antiope